


Breaking Point

by lalez



Series: What if [5]
Category: S.W.A.T. (TV 2017)
Genre: AU, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:42:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25706860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lalez/pseuds/lalez
Summary: When Molly pulls open her door, she can see what she had been fearing the whole day. He had been in the thick of it today. Chasing that gangster in the maze that is South LA. He must've endured something terrible. And the news reports already painted a rather grim picture. At least one officer dead, multiple injuries... and that was only the official version. Molly knows it is bad because Jim steps directly into her arms...
Relationships: Jim Street/Molly Hicks
Series: What if [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1850047
Kudos: 14





	Breaking Point

**Author's Note:**

> Set more or less immediately after the Season 3 finale. No relation to Superstition. Yes, this is from Molly's POV (don't hate me). Since I basically ignore the locker room scene at the end this is AU. Enjoy.

When Molly pulls open her door, she can see what she had been fearing the whole day. He had been in the thick of it today. Chasing that gangster in the maze that is South LA. He must've endured something terrible. And the news reports already painted a rather grim picture. At least one officer dead, multiple injuries... and that was only the official version. Molly knows it is bad because Jim steps directly into her arms and hugs her close, and just _nuzzles_ her hair. She forces him to look at her, and she swears there are tears in his eyes. And a hint of _shame_ or _guilt._

Guiding him to the sofa, she softly tries to coax him into talking to her. Opening up. "What happened today? Did one of you get hurt? You can talk to me." He doesn't say a word just wraps his arms around her one more time. She can feel the tears now. She fears the worst.

Gently she untangles herself from his grip. "I am going to get us some tea and some food. Do you have a preference?" Again, he doesn't say a word just shakes his head. He looks so _scared_ and almost tiny on her sofa. She can't read this version of her boyfriend, and that scares her.

She takes a little longer than necessary in the kitchen to pull herself together. She knows from years of watching her mother how much support an officer needs after an emotionally taxing day in the field. But how is she supposed to help him through this if he isn't talking?

_Maybe, I am not the right person for him?_

She dismisses the thought immediately. He wouldn't have shown up if that were the case. _Right?_

With two steaming mugs of calming lavender tea, she returns to her living room to find him pacing nervously. His brows are furrowed when he accepts the mug from her. She watches him intently. He seems so tense and unsettled. But for some reason, he doesn't share his feelings with her.

She hopes the tea and the quiet of her apartment will get Jim to calm down and maybe feel safe and secure enough to share his thoughts. Something definitely has him shaken. That much is clear.

After a while, he finally takes a seat again, but on a chair on the opposite side of the coffee table. She sees him playing with his shirt's collar. Trying to loosen the material around his neck. Molly feels a shiver running down her spine and pulls her cardigan a little closer. Him being so distant _again_ worries her. She lets her eyelids drop closed for what feels only like a second when she suddenly feels his hands on her knees.

She jerks a little and almost spills the tea on herself. And for the first time tonight, she sees a smile on his face. Usually, she would admonish him for making fun of her but not now. She is just glad he can still smile. His hands are fidgeting as he looks at her. His eyes seem haunted and his voice is very quiet. "Can we maybe take a walk. Get out of here. After today, I can't be in an apartment. I am sorry."

She furrows her brows in confusion, but softens her face as soon as he tries to shy away. Something grave must've transpired out there today. She grabs his hand and squeezes lightly. "Just let me grab a jacket." She sees his chest heave a huge sigh.

They walk in silence for a long time. He seems so quiet and when he pulls his hand out of hers, she is even more confused. She knows she shouldn't push him. But he is being almost as distant as he was when he lost his brother. That thought stops her dead in her tracks. What if he lost someone else today?

Her eyes search for him up ahead. He has already reached the steps to the sand and finally, he seems to notice she is no longer at his side. Their eyes meet and again she sees the turmoil Jim Street appears to be in tonight. When she has caught up with him, she can't keep herself from pushing any longer.

"What is going on? What happened today?" She puts her hand on his arm to get him to look her in the eyes and see she cares. But instead, his head and shoulders slump slightly. She hears the emotion in his voice and feels a tremor running through his body when he finally whispers: "Chris got shot today."

Molly freezes and her breath gets caught in her throat. Her worst fear just came true. He lost someone again. Or at least she got badly hurt. That's why he is so distraught. The thoughts run through her head in a flash. She knows how much the other woman means to him. They are close friends and so she can only think of one thing to offer. "Do you want me to drive you to the hospital to see her?" because in her mind right now it is ridiculous, he even came to her place. He should be with his friend. His team. The people he considers family. The people he can let in. Trust.

These last thoughts hurt. They are like deep cuts. She feels powerless. But when she hears his still low voice. "No, she is at home. The vest caught it. She is okay." Her head starts spinning.

She can't see why her boyfriend would be so shaken and out of it if his friend is okay. Still around.

There had to be more to it. And she needed to know. Whatever it was.

Molly spots a bench a little way down the boardwalk and softly but firmly guides them there. With a brief push on his shoulders, Jim takes a seat. She has no idea what she can say to help him and so she just puts her arm half around him and starts rubbing circles on his back.

She hears him murmur words, but can't comprehend them. "Hey, you can talk to me. I told you before. We are in a relationship and that means you don't have to do it alone. I am here for you." At her last words, she feels him scoot away from her again. "I don't deserve you." She wants to grab a hold of his hand, but he crosses his arms in front of his chest. She has so much she wants to say in that instant. Wants to reassure him that everybody deserves support, someone, they can count on unconditionally, but her words get stuck in her throat when he continues.

"I am here, with you physically, but my mind is still in that apartment building, on that raid, seeing Chris get shot and almost losing her." Molly can see his face contorting. She feels for him and seeing Jim this tortured, breaks her heart. For now, she can quiet the voice in her head that tells her there is more. "Hey, stop that. She is your friend. You nearly lost her today. I understand." And she means that. She can't imagine going through situations like they do on a regular basis. She has heard enough stories about the bond in the teams to know they are close-knit.

For only the second time a small smile graces Jim's face and that warms her heart. "Yeah, it looks like we are slowly getting back to being friends again." Molly feels there is something she is missing after that statement. As far as she knows these two have always been friends and incredibly close. That was her one and basically the only reason for asking Chris for advice. Her face must've betrayed her confusion.

His smile fades and his features betray a mix of anguish and something else, she can't quite pinpoint. In any other situation, she would have assumed he was nervous. Molly hears Jim letting out a slow breath: "I guess I should explain...?" Molly can only nod. She wants to know, but her head screams at her to stop this. Everybody is allowed to have a past; secrets and you are not supposed to hold them against them, runs like a mantra through her mind. To remind herself whatever is coming now, he came to her tonight.

"Do you remember my reaction when you told me Chris encouraged you to try with me?" he softly asks and looks at her with sad eyes. Seeing him this scared makes her want to reach out and hug him, but she stops herself. Somehow, she knows, if she does that now, this wall will stay up between them and she needs him to let her in. So, she simply nods and pulls her jacket closer in an attempt to hug herself reassuringly.

She had thought at the time he was surprised because she knew what she wanted, but that felt like a naïve conclusion now.

He is nervous about the next part. She can see that in the way he fidgets in front of her. The way his eyes are not really looking at her, but fixed on a point behind her.

"Well, I don't know where to start actually, but I guess I was so surprised because weeks before she had told me we weren't, more like couldn't be friends anymore." That was not what she had expected. "Okay?" she interjects in hopes of more clarification.

"When we met at the Police Star Ceremony, Chris hadn't spoken to me for two weeks. She was actively avoiding me."

He finally continues and Molly's heart breaks a little further. Even though she knows every man comes with a dating past. It feels weird to seemingly have stepped into a messy break-up or whatever happened. She feels like their relationship had probably only started because he needed a distraction. She had felt so wanted that night. He had put his full attention on her. They had clicked, or so she thought.

"You are allowed to have a past, Jim. And there is no harm in staying friends with an ex." She tells him while praying it isn't as messy as she imagines it right now. Because if it is. She needs to do the sensible thing and look out for her own heart. She can't let herself get any more attached to a man who has already given his heart to someone else.

"We never were together. Just friends. But…" he pressed out." I… we kissed, and she pushed me away. Told me we couldn't be friends anymore." His voice is so low. Molly has to strain to understand. The man in front of her starts shaking and, usually, she would rush to wrap her arms around him. Try to comfort him. Be there for him, but she is frozen in her place. His words were like a bucket of ice water. A very harsh reality check.

At that moment she realizes, she needs to step away. Give him the opportunity to figure out what he wants. And if it turns out its Chris, then she will have to find a way to accept that. With that last thought Molly pushes herself off the bench and starts:

"Jim," she hates how much like crying her voice sounds already. "I don't know what to say to that. I only know, I can't, I won't be your distraction, your reason not to deal with your feelings. I need some distance now. And I am sure you could use that too. Time away from me or an obligation to me. Please, figure out what you want and then call me. Okay?"

She can see hurt and confusion on his face, but also a hint of relief and understanding as he slowly nods his head.

She leans in to softly press one _last_ kiss to his cheek and then walks away. Tears streaming down her face.

**Author's Note:**

> There will be a part 2 and Chris finds out about this ...


End file.
